Church Blog

February 26 2009 at 5:07 pm

What I’ve Learned Since “I Kissed Dating Goodbye”

2 Comments

A while back, I had high hopes to create a series of posts summarizing some messages I’ve done in the past few years on the topic of relationships. Unfortunately, because of working on my new book, I haven’t had time to go into the depth I was hoping to for this series. Hopefully I’ll get to do that in the future, but for now I wanted to post the links to the three messages for anyone who’s interested.

These messages all reflect, in one way or another, things that I’ve learned since I wrote the book I Kissed Dating Goodbye 12 years ago. I still stand by the message of the book that premature, short-term romantic attachments can be a big distraction from serving God—especially for teenagers. But in the years since, I’ve also seen that a legalistic application of these ideas can be unhelpful, too. One of my main concerns in our church or any other church is that there be no disunity among Christians over issues of dating and courtship. We need to learn to hold our own convictions on this matter with charity. Most importantly, we need to make sure that our convictions are shaped by Scripture—not culture, church culture or my books.

The following are messages I preached here at Covenant Life out of a desire to clarify what I see as a wrong application of ideas I’ve written about. If you’ve attended Covenant Life for a few years, you’ve likely heard one or more of these, but I hope they’re helpful.

“Romance Revisited” is a message I did last summer at our church’s annual youth retreat. My main burden was to challenge teens to cultivate their own biblical convictions on the topic of dating and relationships, and to make the distinction between commands from God’s word and the wise application of biblical principles.

“Courtship Shmourtship” addresses some misconceptions people can have about courtship, and examines biblical principles that should inform our relationships. I speak to singles who are so concerned with “guarding each others heart” that they’re not talking to one another.

“Courtship is a Community Project” looks at how godly relationships can function in the context of the local church. It’s a challenge to the whole church to come alongside single men and women and provide support and encouragement as they pursue relationships.

The photo is of my friends Adam and Pami on the day they got engaged. Courtesy of the ultimate engagement/wedding photographer Kristen Leigh.





So excited to see this post, to help clarify the many misconceptions (or misconstrued ideas) out there regarding your book!
Many legalistic Christians have become imbalanced and act as if they are taking the “high road,” when in fact they are shunning their brothers & sisters and not allowing God’s grace to be at work in the relationships in their “singles” church groups!
I am happily married, but burdened when I see this happening among Christians who could benefit from appropriate fellowship within their church singles’ groups.

By Becky on 03/01/2009

I was really encouraged by the “courtship shmourtship” talk (I listened to it yesterday).  It was very freeing to realize that part of showing “genuine love” toward each other as brothers and sisters in Christ is to pursue friendship and to treat my sisters in Christ with integrity and honor.  I’m a junior in college, and ever since my freshmen year, I have been really struggling with insecurity in how I would interact with my sisters in Christ.  It seemed like anytime I would talk to a sister, I would be fearful of showing any sort of care or interest in who she was or what she was saying, and after the conversation would be over I would be very much frustrated with myself for seeming to be cold and dismissive, especially since I would hear over and again about Paul’s exhortation to us as believers to walk in love, to pursue it.  At the heart of this insecurity seemed to be a fear of what other brothers and sisters would think of me, and I became so paranoid that I would try to keep conversations to a bear minimum with my sisters (mostly just a “hi how’s it going” and then nothing else).  But when Pastor Josh explained from Romans that we are to genuinely show brotherly affection for each other as a way of living a life of worship to God (Romans 12:1,9), by God’s Spirit, those verses really freed me from this insecurity and paranoia.  Already today, Christ has given me the confidence to step out and attempt to show brotherly affection for my sisters in Christ: to treat them equally, to encourage them, and to really care for them, even in simple ways, such as asking them how they are doing and REALLY MEANING IT, because it’s from a heart of excitement and gladness at what Christ has done for me at the cross.  I also really appreciated the “gentlemen excerpt” in that talk, that we are to make our sisters in Christ feel like princesses in our local congregations - I wholeheartedly agree!

By Jason on 03/03/2009
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